you're so old jokes one liners Audiobooks

Cassandra Swann is about to find out. Because she and her sisters are 1/8th fairy--not enough to do any magic--just enough to get them a Fairy Godmother from hell whose reckless spells makes their lives miserable. When her older sister decides to take the FG to court, Cass gets caught in the crossfire. Hit by their godmother with a disastrous birthday wish, she is in danger of losing what she loves most--her ability to paint. Because the court is in the realm of the Fae, Cass and her sisters have a Court Appointed Elf who acts as their attorney slash bodyguard. But who ever heard of a 6 foot 4 muscular elf with coal-black hair and intense green eyes? Sparks fly the first minute Cass meets Jacobin O'Shea. She resents his high-handed ways and Jake thinks Cass is a spoiled human brat. But after he saves her from a soul-sucker and sees her art, things begin to change between them. But Cass's ability to paint is still screwed up. Every painting she attempts climbs off the canvas and makes trouble in the real world. When the Fae court assigns her a new Fairy Godmother, things get exponentially worse when her new wish multiplies her living art. To make matters even more difficult, Jake's ex-fiancée--a gorgeous, anorexiclly-thin fairy--has Cass in her crosshairs and is determined to ruin anything that might grow between them. And did we mention Cass's grandmother is going on disastrous dates that fill the house with Star Trek conventioneers, bikers, and nudists? It's a mess only magic could make...or fix. Will Cass and Jake ever get past their differences? Will Cass regain her ability to paint without every painting stepping off the canvas? (Really, Fairy Godmother?) And will Cass's grandmother find a man without burning down the house? You'll have to read Be Careful What You Wish For, the second book in the Swann Sisters Chronicles to find out.

Powerhouse consultant India Burke is notorious for her razor-sharp mind, her incisive tongue, and for always being in control. But during her “lost weekends”—out-of-town, one-and-done, anonymous rendezvous solely for the purpose of kinky sex—she craves a submissive role. Cris Ardmore, India’s latest tryst, is a Dominant who calls an isolated Hawaiian paradise home. India’s expecting forty-eight hours of contractually defined sex, but instead of serving as just another BDSM Band-Aid, Cris wants to know the real India Burke. Despite her aversion to anything approaching intimacy, India is hooked by their incredible sexual chemistry. With tension ratcheting up in her professional life, India needs the release Cris offers more than ever, but her repeated visits come with their own risks. No matter how strong their attraction, India is determined to maintain her boundaries in order to keep her life whole after her first love blew it apart. She must choose between taking a chance and handing Cris the road map to her heart or locking down her borders before he does any more damage. “Tamsen Parker has created a fictional world that is both dark and joyful, in which an intense, complicated, submissive heroine meets a tender, lighthearted, dominant hero. The psychological dynamics are phenomenal, and the lush Hawaiian backdrop provides a magical sexual world in which to explore them. A stunning debut.” USA Today Bestselling Author Megan Mulry “A smart, strong, brazen debut. Parker doesn’t strip the rose of its thorns.” Bestselling Author Cara McKenna “[Alpha in the Sheets]... is a story that works on all levels, drawing you in with snappy pacing and dialogue, building a slow burn until you can’t put it down. Parker has a confident, clear voice, and the pacing and conflict are fantastic. Cris and India’s partnership is one of the most real I’ve read in a very long time.**Please note: Previously published as Personal Geography. This is NOT a stand-alone.

When Kendra decided to deceive Alexei, she knew she was taking a big risk because the man was too ruthless to forgive and too powerful not to make him pay dearly for the first mistake. One misstep would be enough and she would lose any chance of getting what she wanted. Months have passed since that meeting and suddenly everything collapses due to a betrayal that endangers Kendra's life and brings out all her lies and falsehoods. The showdown has come and Alexei is ready to destroy it. But just when he gets it back into her hands, he will discover that the woman no longer remembers her from her past. A past that hides secrets that he needs to know. He will thus find himself having to choose whether to take revenge or keep that dangerous woman at her side, tightened in her coils, until he regains her memory.

When desire rises, angels will fall. Over the past century, Belphagor has made a name for himself in Heaven’s Demon District as a card sharp, thief, and charming rogue. Though he’s content with his own company, he enjoys applying the sweet sting of discipline to a willing backside—angel, demon, and even the occasional human. He’s not particular. But when a hotheaded young firespirit steals his purse—and his heart—all bets are off. Vasily, a former rentboy and cutpurse from the streets of Raqia, has never felt safer than in the arms—and at the feet—of the Prince of Tricks. He’s just not sure if Belphagor returns his feelings. The attentions of a rich, angelic duke provide the perfect opportunity to find out whether Belphagor is willing to fight for him, but the foolish game backfires—spectacularly. When the duke frames Vasily in an assassination plot, Belphagor will do whatever it takes to clear his lover’s name and expose the real traitor. Because for the first time in his life, the Prince of Tricks has something to lose.

Top 5 reasons I should stay away from Crispin Dalton: 1. He's been bullying me since the day I started at Wildwood Academy, the prestigious high school for young elites 2. He's the kind of jerk who thinks liking a girl means tugging on her hair (seriously, is this first grade?) 3. There's a scandal tying our families together in the most awful way, and his whole family hates me because of it 4. He's so far out of my league, he might as well be wearing a sign that says 'Don't look, touch or fantasize about me... or else' 5. He's kind of, sort of, dating my best friend... We've come a long way since being co-stars on my TV show. The boy I used to crush on obsessively isn't the nice guy anymore. No, he's the mean, cruel, evil bully who's dead set on ruining my life. And to top it all off, he's more off-limits than he ever has been. So, obviously, I shouldn't be crushing on Crispin, because he isn't the boy he used to be. No, no, no... he's even hotter now. And as it turns out, little old me can't resist a bully with a heart of gold. This is a full-length novel, part of the Lords of Wildwood series. Can be read as a standalone.

A Man Cave Standalone - HOT ROMANTIC COMEDY I just wanted an easy summer job… That didn’t happen. Now, I’m in a living nightmare as I work alongside this monster of a man with mesmerizing emerald eyes that look at me inappropriately every time I see him. To add insult to injury, he has a tan I just want to lick, and a butt worth drooling over every time he purposefully walks by me. But, he's an asshat, and looks are everything. I mean, aren't. LOOKS. ARE. NOT. EVERYTHING. Why do I have to keep reminding myself of this? His job is to clean, cook, and tend to the house we work in. That's why I call him the manservant. Oh, and because it drives him nuts. That's what he gets for torturing me. This is a story of little restraint, too much desire, questionable actions, no strength whatsoever, and the best sex I've ever had. The question is: Do I fall for this crude manservant whose idea of a fun time is to tie people up and do obscene things, or do I give him a taste of his own medicine? All I'm going to say is . . . Things get weird, twisted, then hot, then weird again, and—you get my drift. Go ahead and laugh. It might not be so funny if it happened to you. *A divine comedy filled with humorous satire and sexy moments that lead to a love that lasts—a perfect beach read if you enjoy romance.*

Scarlett:Blytheville, South Carolina—have you heard of it? No? Yeah, neither had I, until today. Want to know why? It’s in the middle of nowhere, and I’ve been given the ultimatum of either living on the street in Boston or accepting a job transfer down to this blank spot on the map where people say things like: “Bless Your Heart,” “Over Yonder,” and “I reckon.” Oh, and they don’t cuss, which makes survival a bit challenging for me with my flavorful vocabulary.I’ll cut to the chase. On day one of my new Southern lifestyle, I land myself in the hospital and meet Austin, one of the two nurses on staff. I would consider this guy absolutely gorgeous if I were into the whole tanned, smokey-blue eyes, and messy sex-hair look, but I’m … not. Okay, I’m lying. If Austin wasn’t my type before, he definitely is now. However, I was sort of rude to him. While I’m sure my first impression was probably my last, maybe I can turn on a little Southern charm (if I can figure out how to do that) and change his mind. Austin:This chick is crazy, hot as hell, and more wound up than a taunted wild animal. I might be out of my mind, but I’m intrigued by her short temper and lack of filter. She thinks I’m just funny and sweet as pie, which I know annoys her, but she hasn’t spent time with me outside of work yet, so she doesn’t know I can dish out more than she can take. Miss Scarlett thinks she’s tough and intimidating because she’s from big, bad Boston, but she’s about to learn how things really go down in the South.The question is, will Scarlett and Austin ever see to eye-to-eye, or will they give up the fight long enough to see what they’ve been missing?

It should have been the happiest time of their lives… As a Guardian of the realm, Blaéz is aware of the danger that can shadow him, but he’s determined to give his human mate the wedding of her dreams. Flowers, ring, and all, including following a baffling mortal tradition of abstinence—a challenge he gamely takes on. Then the past and future clash… Things start to unravel when an old adversary from an accursed life he thought long over suddenly reappears. Blaéz realizes it’s a tie he must sever and finally put an end to a longstanding feud. A straightforward job…until his vindictive nemesis snatches his mate. It’s a time of reckoning… Blaéz will risk and do anything to get her back. But first, he must face his own dark and painful past to have a future with the one woman who is his very heartbeat.If he doesn’t, it just might destroy everything he’s fought for… Author’s note: This novella is set after book 3 in the Fallen Guardians’ series and gives you further insight into the lives of the Guardians. For better reading enjoyment, it is best if you fully immerse yourself in the Fallen Guardians’ World first. No cliffhanger.

An exclusive society of the world's most powerful gentlemen. Nothing will get between them and the women they want. Jaxon Mills is stunned—then furious—when sees his biggest investor’s daughter at one of the most exclusive clubs in New Orleans, dressed in a scandalous outfit and wearing an inviting smile. The tempting woman with the compassionate heart is supposed to be tucked away at grad school, where’s she safe from men like him. Willow Henderson has one escape from her overprotective family—the French Quarter. There, she can be anonymous, even if only for a short time. But she never expects to come face-to-face with Jaxon, a sexy self-made billionaire Dom whose arrogance is matched only by his bank account. Jax, an avowed workaholic determined to outrun his troubled past, has never allowed a woman to distract him. Until Willow. And when he discovers she’s a virgin, it’s more than a dominant urge that flares. It’s an honorable instinct he hadn’t known he was capable of. He will do anything to make her his.

A crime book. A breathtaking thriller leaving the reader with doubt until the end.<br><br>Rebecca Sellen is a successful writer and she has to complete her novel in no time. Running out of ideas, she tries to get help from Inspector Ridley who is investigating a series of murders in the area. The disappearance of her husband and son, together with other vicissitudes, make all suspicions fall on her first and then on her adoptive daughter. But the truth will not be known until the end.